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Jul. 26th, 2007 05:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dodontI am in the middle of an upheaval, although not necessarily in a bad way. Here I shall document my plans for the immediate future.
On the plane home, I watched Practical Magic. The final resolution to fall in love as much as possible despite past losses touched me but not in the expected way. At home I watched The Holiday, which again brought up a remembrance of love, and I realised that I am in love; I want to see the barren winter moments and the blossoming color and the riddles of disease and the eventual submersion and have it all be part of my life. I have acknowledged for a while that I have fonder feelings for places than people, but it really only applies to one place. I am desperate to make New England my home. This summer I volunteered with Waquoit Bay National Estuarine Research Reserve a couple of times, shadowing a woman who moved to Hyannis because she just knew that was where she wanted to be, took a job in a bookshop, and applied her ass off until finally she got this wonderful job at WBNERR. It's very tempting to follow her example and immediately take up the offers of places to stay I've had already from family members. But I'm not going to do that. Here is what is going to happen:
In October, I am going to live with my parents in Turlock, which is the asscrack of California. It's a truly disgusting little place full of stripmalls and 5-lane high streets, but I really need to learn how to drive and it would actually really be nice to be looked after for a while and not have to worry about rent etc. I'm hoping to find alternatives to the various medication I currently take, and preferably fix my feet or failing that get some shoes probably made for me (I had my feet measured and apparently I am a US 7.5 E i.e. wide duck feet) that don't kill me when I walk. So some doctor's appointments are on the horizon. I've already been applying for lots of jobs (lots of federal US ones for fish&wildlife, bureau of land management, national parks, etc.) and this will continue, but I'm going to pay special attention to Massachusetts. I will be bugging pretty much every ecologist at WHOI, MBL, WHRC, WBNERR, DCR, Mass Audubon, The Trustees of Reservations (I've contacted a cousin who's pretty high up with them for advice), etc. Hopefully I will still be covered as a dependent under my mother's health insurance but failing that a part-time job at Starbucks (I know, I know, but they're supposed to be good to their employees) will apparently fulfil that, and hopefully I'll be off my medication anyway.
I'm taking if for granted that by the time I pass my driving test I will be desperate to leave Turlock, so at that point if I have yet to find something I will probably take my chances and bugger off to Massachusetts, either taking up the back porch at my grandma's cousin's, or the spare room at my 3rd cousin's, or even get my own apartment, and take any job I can get and volunteer and apply like mad until I find something better. That way I'll at least be there. And then my parents will have a greater incentive to get their asses out of Turlock and preferably find somewhere that has something resembling clean air, like-minded people, and somewhere beautiful to walk that is within an hour away.
New Zealand is going to fit in at some point, but it's actually kind of unrealistic to expect to get a job without having any graduate experience because I am not a NZ citizen and thus will not be favoured. A post-grad course is still an option, but at the moment I want a job, not to jump right back into academia. I might still go on a volunteering holiday or something, but nothing longer-term.
The gist: I am leaving for California in October, then hoping to settle down with a house and a dog in Cape Cod.
It will be very strange to leave Edinburgh and everyone here. I'm half-expecting that I'll die within a month without my Svenny, but this just seems like a natural point at which to make a change. I'm not even running away, I think I've actually been running away from the idea that I could possibly be happy in one single place as that entails settling down, which is terrifying and has connotations of housewifery and screaming spawn. But I don't have to follow that stereotype. Sometimes I rebel internally from an idea to the extent that I forget that something might actually suit me. It's funny how often I seem to come back to stupidly traditional lifestyles. I am a straight monogamous woman ready to settle down in a Republican country and possibly work for the government (as yet no desire for marriage and/or same-species sprog, but I wouldn't be surprise if I make that conclusion at some point too). Seems absurd, but there you go.
On the plane home, I watched Practical Magic. The final resolution to fall in love as much as possible despite past losses touched me but not in the expected way. At home I watched The Holiday, which again brought up a remembrance of love, and I realised that I am in love; I want to see the barren winter moments and the blossoming color and the riddles of disease and the eventual submersion and have it all be part of my life. I have acknowledged for a while that I have fonder feelings for places than people, but it really only applies to one place. I am desperate to make New England my home. This summer I volunteered with Waquoit Bay National Estuarine Research Reserve a couple of times, shadowing a woman who moved to Hyannis because she just knew that was where she wanted to be, took a job in a bookshop, and applied her ass off until finally she got this wonderful job at WBNERR. It's very tempting to follow her example and immediately take up the offers of places to stay I've had already from family members. But I'm not going to do that. Here is what is going to happen:
In October, I am going to live with my parents in Turlock, which is the asscrack of California. It's a truly disgusting little place full of stripmalls and 5-lane high streets, but I really need to learn how to drive and it would actually really be nice to be looked after for a while and not have to worry about rent etc. I'm hoping to find alternatives to the various medication I currently take, and preferably fix my feet or failing that get some shoes probably made for me (I had my feet measured and apparently I am a US 7.5 E i.e. wide duck feet) that don't kill me when I walk. So some doctor's appointments are on the horizon. I've already been applying for lots of jobs (lots of federal US ones for fish&wildlife, bureau of land management, national parks, etc.) and this will continue, but I'm going to pay special attention to Massachusetts. I will be bugging pretty much every ecologist at WHOI, MBL, WHRC, WBNERR, DCR, Mass Audubon, The Trustees of Reservations (I've contacted a cousin who's pretty high up with them for advice), etc. Hopefully I will still be covered as a dependent under my mother's health insurance but failing that a part-time job at Starbucks (I know, I know, but they're supposed to be good to their employees) will apparently fulfil that, and hopefully I'll be off my medication anyway.
I'm taking if for granted that by the time I pass my driving test I will be desperate to leave Turlock, so at that point if I have yet to find something I will probably take my chances and bugger off to Massachusetts, either taking up the back porch at my grandma's cousin's, or the spare room at my 3rd cousin's, or even get my own apartment, and take any job I can get and volunteer and apply like mad until I find something better. That way I'll at least be there. And then my parents will have a greater incentive to get their asses out of Turlock and preferably find somewhere that has something resembling clean air, like-minded people, and somewhere beautiful to walk that is within an hour away.
New Zealand is going to fit in at some point, but it's actually kind of unrealistic to expect to get a job without having any graduate experience because I am not a NZ citizen and thus will not be favoured. A post-grad course is still an option, but at the moment I want a job, not to jump right back into academia. I might still go on a volunteering holiday or something, but nothing longer-term.
The gist: I am leaving for California in October, then hoping to settle down with a house and a dog in Cape Cod.
It will be very strange to leave Edinburgh and everyone here. I'm half-expecting that I'll die within a month without my Svenny, but this just seems like a natural point at which to make a change. I'm not even running away, I think I've actually been running away from the idea that I could possibly be happy in one single place as that entails settling down, which is terrifying and has connotations of housewifery and screaming spawn. But I don't have to follow that stereotype. Sometimes I rebel internally from an idea to the extent that I forget that something might actually suit me. It's funny how often I seem to come back to stupidly traditional lifestyles. I am a straight monogamous woman ready to settle down in a Republican country and possibly work for the government (as yet no desire for marriage and/or same-species sprog, but I wouldn't be surprise if I make that conclusion at some point too). Seems absurd, but there you go.
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no subject
Date: 2007-07-26 04:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-26 04:28 pm (UTC)HUGS YO
no subject
Date: 2007-07-26 04:30 pm (UTC)When you back?
I wrote you a postcard addressed to here assuming it would take ages to arrive but it's already here, boo, so I could have sent you one to Lundy anyway.
Hilariously, the postcard I sent Sven&Si from Mexico in December arrived at the same time.
no subject
Date: 2007-07-26 06:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-26 05:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-26 05:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-27 11:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-27 05:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-27 06:34 pm (UTC)I'll miss the chance to get to know you better - but I'm very glad you've found something the fulfills you.
And lets face it, you can always change your mind later :->
no subject
Date: 2007-07-30 12:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-13 12:42 pm (UTC)I'll be sad to see you go, even though I've never actually seen very much of while we have been in the same city. Maybe we should do something about that before you escape?
I hope life in the US suits you! Edinburgh will miss you, but I'm sure you'll be back sometimes even if not forever...
no subject
Date: 2007-08-13 03:02 pm (UTC)And I would very much like to do something. Hmm, would you and Padmini like to be fed dinner one of these days?
no subject
Date: 2007-08-13 08:56 pm (UTC)Being fed dinner is a lovely thing! =) If you can cope with me being vegan and her avoiding starch...!
Anyway - see you sometime when I get back from down south. Hope you enjoy minding the stall tomorrow and everything goes smoothly! Becka said you hadn't responded to her message by about 5, I hope you got it alright? If not please get in touch with me!
no subject
Date: 2007-08-13 11:08 pm (UTC)Vegan and starch-free is certainly doable, I can make a mean sesame salad or green curry if you're tofu eaters. :)
no subject
Date: 2007-08-13 11:15 pm (UTC)We are indeed occasional tofu eaters! Let's talk in a week, when I'm back up here...