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May. 11th, 2009
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May. 11th, 2009 03:16 pmThis morning I went to see my GP to ask about any potential problems with private surgery, get more painkillers, and get a letter to give to the DWP to tell them they're all twats, as requested by the nice chap on the phone the other day.
The GP did not give me a letter, because apparently they're not allowed to interfere in DWP assessments, even when it's clearly wrong. Which is swell. There is some other magical appeals process that nice chap on the phone did not tell me about.
So I went home and gave up for, oh, a few hours, and just called the jobcentre people again to find out what the fuck they're playing at. There is apparently a special appeals form which will arrive in the next couple of days. Would have been nice to be told that at the get-go. I will send them my X-Ray report, my MRI report, the letter saying I'm on the waiting list for surgery, and the notes from their very own doctor highlighting the bit where he says I need to get better before going back to work. And if that doesn't work I really am going to give up.
The appointment was generally unhelpful today. I explained that I've been in increasing pain which has stopped me from getting to the gym or doing as many exercises and I'm sleeping really fucking badly for it, and all she said was that maybe I've gained some weight and that's why, but actually it was when I'd *lost* weight that the gym got too much and *then* not going to the gym caused a small amount of weight gain, but actually it's not a significant amount. I was down to slightly under 15st, now I'm slightly over. I don't think it's had a significant impact. And she had no idea how likely it is that there's going to be enough cartilage damage to warrant waiting for the arthroscopy until they could do the resurfacing at the same time, if that's a legitimate concern.
But more than anything what bothered me was that she seemed OK with the DWP declaring me fit for work. She seemed to think this wasn't a problem, that I could sign up for Jobseekers Allowance and attend all these interviews and have them turn me away and it wouldn't be a problem. I am going to have surgery at some point either in the next 4 weeks or the next 4 months, and it is likely to take 2 months to just get over the surgery let alone recover fully. I cannot be attending interviews during this time, and somehow I still need to pay for food and rent. The only way this can happen is on ESA, not Jobseekers, and if my appeal fails I can't claim ESA again for another 6 months.
People have suggested working from home but it's not that simple. As well as not being able to move around all day, I also can't sit still all day. I do exercises, massage, stretches, whatever, when I feel the need to do them, so I need to be constantly up and down, and my concentration is ridiculously scattered. Just the daily requirements of life leave me in shittons of pain by the end of the day and the small amount of sleep I get is superficial. Extra activities tend to rob me of sleep for the whole bloody night and I feel it for the rest of the week - cinema yesterday + GP this morning is doing me no favours. I could be working on the RSPB stuff for a whole day and really only get a couple hours of work done, and it is possibly the least taxing job in the whole world, even less so than the one at Tiso where people put stock in shelves, wrote it on a bit of paper, and then I had to type up what they'd written and THAT'S IT. Everything I do has to fit around taking care of the knee and making sure there's blood in my toes. I won't jump through hoops I can't jump through.
And I got some Fiery Jack rubbing cream today for the ole circulation, as my ginger and capsicum cream still hasn't arrived, and it actually burns. I had to hose off my leg. Good thing I didn't actually put it on the knee or it would have swollen up like a loaf of bread. On the plus side, there's certainly blood in my toes. OOH and it feels reeeeally nice on the foot when mixed with the tendon care cream. I shall just have to be more careful with it in future.
So I have been feeling like crap today, and out of control, and ready to give up. A note pinned to my chest might get the message across. I'm not falling through the cracks, I'm being pushed.
I need this to be over.
The GP did not give me a letter, because apparently they're not allowed to interfere in DWP assessments, even when it's clearly wrong. Which is swell. There is some other magical appeals process that nice chap on the phone did not tell me about.
So I went home and gave up for, oh, a few hours, and just called the jobcentre people again to find out what the fuck they're playing at. There is apparently a special appeals form which will arrive in the next couple of days. Would have been nice to be told that at the get-go. I will send them my X-Ray report, my MRI report, the letter saying I'm on the waiting list for surgery, and the notes from their very own doctor highlighting the bit where he says I need to get better before going back to work. And if that doesn't work I really am going to give up.
The appointment was generally unhelpful today. I explained that I've been in increasing pain which has stopped me from getting to the gym or doing as many exercises and I'm sleeping really fucking badly for it, and all she said was that maybe I've gained some weight and that's why, but actually it was when I'd *lost* weight that the gym got too much and *then* not going to the gym caused a small amount of weight gain, but actually it's not a significant amount. I was down to slightly under 15st, now I'm slightly over. I don't think it's had a significant impact. And she had no idea how likely it is that there's going to be enough cartilage damage to warrant waiting for the arthroscopy until they could do the resurfacing at the same time, if that's a legitimate concern.
But more than anything what bothered me was that she seemed OK with the DWP declaring me fit for work. She seemed to think this wasn't a problem, that I could sign up for Jobseekers Allowance and attend all these interviews and have them turn me away and it wouldn't be a problem. I am going to have surgery at some point either in the next 4 weeks or the next 4 months, and it is likely to take 2 months to just get over the surgery let alone recover fully. I cannot be attending interviews during this time, and somehow I still need to pay for food and rent. The only way this can happen is on ESA, not Jobseekers, and if my appeal fails I can't claim ESA again for another 6 months.
People have suggested working from home but it's not that simple. As well as not being able to move around all day, I also can't sit still all day. I do exercises, massage, stretches, whatever, when I feel the need to do them, so I need to be constantly up and down, and my concentration is ridiculously scattered. Just the daily requirements of life leave me in shittons of pain by the end of the day and the small amount of sleep I get is superficial. Extra activities tend to rob me of sleep for the whole bloody night and I feel it for the rest of the week - cinema yesterday + GP this morning is doing me no favours. I could be working on the RSPB stuff for a whole day and really only get a couple hours of work done, and it is possibly the least taxing job in the whole world, even less so than the one at Tiso where people put stock in shelves, wrote it on a bit of paper, and then I had to type up what they'd written and THAT'S IT. Everything I do has to fit around taking care of the knee and making sure there's blood in my toes. I won't jump through hoops I can't jump through.
And I got some Fiery Jack rubbing cream today for the ole circulation, as my ginger and capsicum cream still hasn't arrived, and it actually burns. I had to hose off my leg. Good thing I didn't actually put it on the knee or it would have swollen up like a loaf of bread. On the plus side, there's certainly blood in my toes. OOH and it feels reeeeally nice on the foot when mixed with the tendon care cream. I shall just have to be more careful with it in future.
So I have been feeling like crap today, and out of control, and ready to give up. A note pinned to my chest might get the message across. I'm not falling through the cracks, I'm being pushed.
I need this to be over.